What We Lose, What We Gain
by carinims01
Summary: After everything: the sheer thrill of Jamie just saying his name, being able to hear him, to see him; after defeating Pitch, after all the fighting, after all the adrenaline had worn off; after the sleigh ride and the celebrations, the boy's world was finally settling down. And it's the first time since everything that Jack finally gets to look back...


Disclaimer: I don't own Rise of the Guardians

Hello there, folks! Let me first say that woo-hoo! this is finally done! I've been working on it for the past two weeks-ish, and I'm so glad that I can finally publish it. I don't have much to say at the moment, and I hope I don't remember anything later. :P

Anyway, enjoy:

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**What We Lose, What We Gain**

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It was so strange, the passage of time.

Jack's whole world had been turned on its axis in simply a matter of days. He had gone from a bitter, depressed boy with a mask on his face to hide his inner pain and broken smile, to a three-hundred year old youth with a genuine laugh bubbling in his chest and a lopsided grin ever present on his face as the newfound Guardian of Fun.

Because people believed in him again.

After everything: the sheer thrill of Jamie just _saying_ his name, being able to_ hear _him, to _see_ him; after defeating Pitch, after all the fighting, after all the adrenaline had worn off; after the sleigh ride and the celebrations, the boy's world was finally settling down.

Exhaustion and weariness crept over Jack like the sudden blizzards he enjoyed in the dead of winter. The ones that blanketed everything in glittering crystals with a feeling of a serene pleasure, grace, and promised new beginnings come spring.

He didn't know exactly when it happened, but he would suddenly, unconsciously, start zoning out of Tooth's excited babble, Bunny's sassy comebacks and retellings of the battle, Sandy's floating exclamation marks to the story he hadn't been a part of, and North's larger-than-life gestures. The mug of eggnog on the right side of his empty plate would blur, and his eyelids would flutter as he sagged into the hand that cupped his jaw. He yawned and just shrugged it off, wanting nothing more than to stay here with his new family and enjoy their company. But what finally made the others realize his fatigue was the clattering of his beloved wooden staff against the tile floors when it slipped from his listless hand.

Instantly, his head shot up with surprise at the sound, so different from the familiar tones of his friends, and all eyes turned towards him, equally bewildered. It took the winter sprite several seconds to realize what happened, and even less for all the Guardian's smiles to soften at Jack's glazed eyes, drooping eyelids, and slow movements.

"Tired, Frostbite?" Bunny teased.

Curling his slim fingers around his staff, Jack pushed himself back up using the lip of the thick table. "No."

Sandy's eyes narrowed with amusement, and he shook his head fondly as three 'z's took shape above his head, varying in size.

"Maybe you should get some sleep, Jack," Tooth suggested softly. Beside her, Baby Tooth squeaked with agreement.

"It has been a rough couple'a'days for ya, mate."

Truthfully, it had been. So many things had happened, and none of them had had time to properly think everything over yet. That would come later.

Jack didn't answer vocally, but the rising yawn that made his fingers curl tighter around his staff was answer enough.

The Guardian of Wonder smiled, his eyes crinkling in the corners. "Come, Jack. I'll show you your room."

Slowly, the winter sprite stood, leaning against the shepherd's crook. "My-my room?"

"Of course," he answered. His head jerked in the direction of the wooden elevator. "Come."

Quickly, Tooth flew over and wrapped him in a short hug, and Baby Tooth brushed against his cheek in parting. "Goodnight, Jack," Tooth said. "Sleep well."

And, as if in response, the Sandman winked at him, golden sand swirling around his hand like he was promising sweet dreams that night.

Bunnymund smirked at him, nodding. "See you in the morning, mate."

The winter sprite smiled at the foursome gratefully at warmth stirred in his chest. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd gotten good night wishes or hugs or smiles as he went to bed. "Goodnight, guys. Thanks. See you in the morning."

They all bobbed their heads at him, and North set his hand on Jack's back, gently guiding him towards the Yeti pulled elevator. The elves swung the door shut and, surprisingly, the conveyor rose smoothly. His eyelids must have slid shut during the trip, because in a matter of seconds, Jack felt his friend's hand gently shaking his shoulder.

"Hm?"

North smiled. "C'mon. Almost there."

Following the guardian out of the elevator, Jack yawned once more. "Where are we going?"

"I told you-your room."

Jack narrowed his eyes, gratitude shining from them. "When did I get a room?"

"Remember when we got back? You were talking to Sandy and we slipped off?"

"You wanted me to explain exactly what had happened after the battle," the boy offered.

"Yes. Well, me, Tooth, and Bunny thought you would want proper place to sleep."

The winter sprite's eyebrows rose in surprise and appreciation. No one had even been concerned about him before; no one had ever considered what Jack would want or need or like. He'd always been alone. When he needed sleep, he'd usually just find a low tree branch to sleep on. Wind kept him from falling, anyway. If not that, then he would lean against the trunk. It didn't really matter; it wasn't like anyone could see him.

A smile pulled at his lips, and before he could say anything, he was distracted by several yetis lumbering out of a room on his right. It was when North began sauntering towards it that the winter sprite realized this this-_this_-must be his room.

_His _room.

The words sounded foreign on his lips, even if he didn't vocalize them.

Jack paused at the threshold of the partially closed door, mind churning as hesitation and anxiety coursed through him. He blinked, fingers curling and uncurling around his staff as he bit his lower lip.

"Jack!" North called from within. The winter sprite noted that his voice resonated around the area, making it sound louder. Was the room really that big?

The winter sprite swallowed and took a breath, preparing himself as his fingers slowly spread across the right side of the door. He gently pushed it open. The wood began swinging on its own, with protest, but as soon as the door was half-way open and the boy could peer into the room, Jack's mouth opened with a soundless gasp. His glazed eyes widened with awe, and his feet carried him further into the space. There was a blessed moment of silence in which the boy carefully took in his room, committing every detail to memory.

The door opened into a, in Jack's opinion, giant room, even bigger than North's private workshop. The chamber was completely circular, and the vaulted ceiling climbed to create a dome, from which several golden globe light fixtures hung. The walls were lined with oak wood trim that rose about three feet. On his right was a four-poster bed, the headboard pushed against the wall, with an eggshell blue coverlet and mounds of decorative pillows. There was a night stand on the bed's left side, complete with its own small globe of light built in, this one blue, to match the bedspread. There was a long bookshelf on the other side of the bed, full of leather bound tomes, big and small, thick and thin. Beside that was a large hearth, lined with red bricks, where a small fire crackled and popped, licking at the wood.

Jack's eyes locked on the left side of the room. There, spanning at least ten feet across the wall and ascending well into the curve of the ceiling, was a large bay window. He unconsciously flew towards the window, fingers spreading over the chilled glass as reverence lit his face. His warm breath fogged up the window, and his attention was focused on the beauty of the frozen tundra outside, sparkling as the dimming light caught the ice crystals just right. The ocean peaked in the background, behind the imposing ice mountains and soft snow drifts, barely recognizable from the equally blue sky.

"Jack?" Numbly, the boy turned towards the Guardian of Wonder, eyes wide as he tried to wrap his mind around everything. "Do you like it?"

It took a moment for the winter sprite's mind to unlock, but when it did, he turned towards his friend, swallowed thickly, and slowly nodded.

North let out a small sigh, spreading his arms with glee. "Good! I have had yetis working on it all day."

"A-and... It's all for me?"

"Of course," North grinned. "What do you think, then?"

"I-It's beautiful." Jack blinked, and his mind finally started to comprehend that _this was all for him and for him alone_. A massive grin spread across his face, his grip on his staff tightening as glee roared through him. "It's amazing!" he laughed. "I can't believe it!"

North let out a hearty laugh as he watched Jack fly towards the night stand, fingers probing the spherical light to find out that, at his delicate touch, the light turned on or off. He then ran his hand along the footboard of his new bed, hand feeling the smooth texture of the grain before he jumped over towards the bookshelf, running his index and middle finger against the spines of the age-old books, memorizing the titles of each volume. Light-footed, he landed at the hearth's base, stretching out his arms to feel the heat of the flames against his palms. Again, he turned towards the bay window.

"You can open window," North smiled.

Jack whipped his head towards North, eyes hopeful. "I can?"

The guardian laughed again, nodding towards a tall ladder at the other end of the window. "Go to center of base."

Jack did before flying as high as the ladder could reach, just before the ceiling began to curve, and he found an almost seamless parting between the main part and the potential opening.

"Push on it," North instructed.

Setting his hand just to the right of the seam, the winter sprite did as he was bid, precariously pushing on the glass as though it was a ceramic plate that was easily broken. When nothing seemed to happen, Jack put in a little more weight into it. That did it, and, gradually, the window swung outward. It only opened a dozen or so breadths, but that was enough for a strong current of bitingly cold wind, full of snowflakes, to enter the room, blowing Jack back in surprise.

He floated smoothly toward the ground, wiping his face with his sleeve as North smiled with amusement. Jack laughed, too, as his arm fell from his face. Shortly, though, the bright smile on his face wavered, and his eyes dimmed as he stared out into the arctic expanse. Jack's hand traveled to the long pocket in the front of his jacket, long fingers curling around an unseen object.

Quickly though, but not quick enough for North not to notice the abrupt change in his demeanor, Jack turned back to his friend with a soft smile on his face as he leaned against his staff. "Thank you, North. For everything."

North accepted his gratitude with a curt nod, a thoughtful smile on his lips. There was a short moment of comfortable silence before North began casually walking towards the bed, hand stroking his beard. The mattress gave way beneath his weight, but only slightly, and the guardian turned towards his friend.

"Jack, sit with me."

The spirit of winter tilted his head in confusion, though a curious smirk pulled at his lips. He jumped up and flew over towards the blue coverlet, letting himself fall beside North before he bounced in place, chuckling as the pillows beside him bounced.

"What is it?" he asked, looking up towards his friend.

North smiled slyly. "And here I was about to ask you same question."

Eyes narrowing, the winter sprite's lips thinned nervously. "Whaddya mean?"

"Jack," he began calmly, as if talking to a young child, "there is something on your mind. What is it?" A moment passed and, slowly, Jack's hand traveled once more to the pocket on his hoodie. "Jack," North prompted softly.

There was another beat of silence before Jack's eyes met his friend's once more, and he pulled his hand out of his front pocket. His fingers were wrapped around a blue figurine, and when the boy opened his palm, he revealed it as the little matryoshka doll that North had given him after they'd defeated Pitch.

The elder guardian tilted his head sideways. "I do not understand."

Jack sighed, a smile making his lips curve as he looked fondly at the figurine. "My center... is fun. I am the Guardian of Fun."

"Yes. So?"

"I never told you how I figured that out."

Now, comprehension lit North's widened eyes. "How, then?"

The shepherd's crook _click_'d as Jack leaned it against the headboard, losing its decorative frost as the boy let it go. His fingers probed the small Russian doll instead, taking in its every grain of wood as Jack stared searchingly at it. "I got my memories back; I found out who I was."

North smiled broadly. "I told you you would. I felt it-"

"-in your belly," the boy chuckled. "I know."

"Tell me, Jack," the guardian asked gently. "What is it that made you guardian?"

The boy was slow to answer, but his voice was low and thick with pride and when he did. "I saved her. My sister, I mean. I saved her life."

"How?"

Fighting back a yawn, Jack pulled his feet up, crossing them in front of him as his mind wandered. "We were skating on that lake in Burgess. But this was... more than three hundred years ago. We had a little cabin right beside the lake. Right across from that gnarled old tree."(1)

North nodded, picturing the tree in his mind as Jack's storytelling fueled his gestures.

"Anyway, I had promised her that I'd teach her how to ice skate. She had broken her ankle the winter before so she hadn't really been allowed to play outside. She was so... eager to try it. So adventurous. And she loved trying new things," he trailed off. Jack blinked, and his smile wavered. "I taught her how to lace up her skates. They weren't like the ones kids have now. These were just a strip of metal riveted onto a leather boot. Kind of unstable, but it served its purpose. Our father made them for us as a present.

"I took her out onto the ice, holding her hand at first, but she wanted to try it on her own. Of course she did," he added fondly. "And I let her. I let go of her hand and gave her a small push to get her started, but I always kept my staff within her reach. Father gave it to me just that autumn, after the harvest. I can still remember her laugh, too. Always bright, always happy, always hopeful. She... she was the best little sister anyone could ask for. She didn't nag or whine. She was never ungrateful, and she always... She was just..."

"Jack," North interrupted, setting a grounding, supportive hand on his shoulder.

It was only then that the boy became aware of the wetness on his face and the way his nose was running. Something burned hot in his stomach, making him feel nauseous and reminding him of just how much he'd eaten at the feast. He thought it must be his exhaustion that was making him so emotional, but he knew it was more than that. This was the first time he had openly talked about his little sister since that fateful day.

Jack blinked and wiped his face with his sleeve, smearing the hot tears across his cheeks before he took a calming breath and continued. (2)

"The ice was thinner than I thought it was. It had been a light winter. I should have known better, but she wanted to go so badly. I couldn't refuse her. Not after she'd taken to having a broken ankle so well. The ice... began to crack beneath her. The sound was... horrifying. She was paralyzed with fear, and her eyes..." Jack took another breath. "She was so scared, but I promised her she would be okay. I promised her that she wouldn't fall through, and that we'd have a little fun instead.

"We played games every day. Hopscotch being one of them. It was her favorite. So... we played hopscotch on the ice. I was in such a hurry to get my skates off, though, that when I let go of my staff, it slid out of my reach. I tried so hard to look confident, to look like I knew what I was doing. But I was so terrified that she would... I took a step towards my staff, and the ice cracked again." He gave North a small smile. "I pretended to lose my balance-anything to make her smile again. She laughed, too. I don't remember a better sound...

"I made it to the staff, but she was still out of my reach. She had to move closer or we'd both fall in. So I counted. One... Two... On three she took the last step, and I hooked the end of the staff around her waist, pulling her towards the thicker ice where she'd be safe. But it had taken so much to pull her on the ice, and my foot slipped. I all but switched places with her. She smiled at me, and I smiled back. I remember the joy I'd felt, the pride and happiness that we were both _okay._ But the ice cracked again. Her smile fell, and all the dread I'd felt for her, I felt for myself now. The last thing I really remember of that... life... is hearing her call my name.

"She was so worried and so scared and it all came through in her voice. I remember flailing in the water, trying to reach her-wanting nothing more than to get back to her, but I... The water was so cold, and I couldn't move. It... stung my lungs; it felt like thousands of little needles inside me... and I couldn't breathe. I blacked out. The next thing I remember was rising out of the lake as Jack Frost, terrified, cold, and alone."

He stared down at his fingers and the nesting doll in them, feeling his exhaustion more than ever as lonely tears gathered on his lower lid. "I didn't remember anything then. I found the staff next to me, and I just... somehow it felt right for me to have it. It created ice patterns on the lake, and then I tried it with the trees. It worked, and I tried it on the lake again. I started running, completely oblivious to the world, and the patterns just kept spreading out. I slipped, but I didn't fall. The wind all but scooped me up and threw me into the air over the lake. I saw the patterns and I just... I felt so happy, but I didn't know why.

"Anyway, I didn't know the first thing about flying, so as soon as the wind stopped, I fell. I landed on a tree branch. It didn't hurt very much; I had always been pretty light-footed. That was when I saw the lights. Burgess in its early years. Very early years. It was nothing more than a couple of cabins, a few sheds, a few workshops. Nothing too big or too fancy. All very homespun. I flew there, limbs everywhere as I tried to get the hang of flying, and landed on the outskirts. And I was so happy from flying that, even though I stumbled, I laughed it off and walked further into the village... I didn't know much of anything. The only thing I was sure of was that my name was Jack Frost.

"I wiped the snow off my cloak, a gift from my mother, and walked into the village. I didn't think anything was wrong: children were running, laughing, women chatting away at bare stalls, men gathered around burning fires. It all seemed normal to me. I said 'Hello' to everyone who passed, but none of them said anything back. I didn't notice, though. I was too happy to notice. But it was when I bent down to talk to a young boy... I knelt down... and he ran right through me."

Jack sniffed, angst echoing through his body as his shoulders sagged. It was so long ago, but it was a feeling that wasn't easily forgotten. "It's like I wasn't even there. I suddenly felt so hollow and lost and... forgotten. It was like every pore in my body was supercharged, and all I felt was loneliness. Thick, unforgiving loneliness. I had never felt that. Not like that day. I had always had my family: Father, Mother, Mary Katherine. (3) And Mother was going to have another baby. That's why she didn't come out with us that day. But in the village... I never felt so lost or confused. Several other people walked through me too. I didn't understand it. How could I? I had no memory of anything other than walking up on the lake. I was just... nothing."

North's hand shifted on his back, thumb brushing Jack's soft hair. "Jack, you are not nothing. You are Guardian and our friend."

The boy gave him a small smile. "I know that now. Back then, though... I was just the boy that no one could touch, hear, or see. I was an oddity. A freak. It took me three hundred years to find out who I really was, North. I won't... I can't ever forget that. That loneliness and confusion and fear."

"You don't have to, Jack," North answered quietly. "Just remember that even though you have memories, that is all they are-memories. You have family now. We will take care of you."

Jack smiled broadly at him, lower eyelid glistening with the gathered liquid. The love and gratitude in his eyes was that of which he hadn't cultivated since the last time he'd seen his father. His heart swelled, and he ran his sleeve over his face again, using his palm to rub his tired eyes. "What about you?" he sniffed. "How did you get chosen?"

Giving him a small smile, North chuckled. His large thumb played across Jack's neck, and the fatherly look in his eyes brightened. "It was my son. I saved him."

The winter sprite's eyes widened with surprise and curiosity. He rubbed his eyes once more, trying to rid them of the puffiness, before staring at North with the look of a young child waiting for a breathtaking bedtime story. "What happened?"

"It was late at night," he began slowly, folding his hands in front of him. His eyes clouded with memories, turning towards a misty blue-grey; Jack felt himself lean forward in anticipation. "I owned small toy shop in Russia. Business was good. People from all over came to see my work. My son and I ran the shop. My wife was staying at friend's house to help with newborn. Everything seemed alright."

North blinked, taking a slow breath. "I was in storeroom and my son was at counter when man came in. He was short, but with thick build. I am still not sure what happened, but I remember running out of storeroom because of yelling. Man was telling my son to put money we had in bag. Damir refused. (4) I do not know his name, but man looked very nervous and yelled at Damir again. He refused again. He had not seen me yet. I tried to get closer, but when my boy refused second time, he pulled out a gun."

Gasping, the winter sprite's eyes widened. .

North glanced at him, smirking as he continued. "He started yelling again for my son to put money in bag; he was so scared. He froze. Everything happened so fast. Man kept screaming; Damir couldn't move. And then man saw me. He got scared and... fired. I jumped in front of Damir to shield him. I died instead of him."

"I-I didn't know you had a son," Jack commented numbly.

"I did not tell you. Just like I did not know you had sister."

The winter sprite gave him a small smile. "We all have our secrets, don't we?"

"We do not have to, though, Jack," North added softly. "We are family now. You can tell us anything."

Looking back down at the doll, the boy rolled it over his long fingers. "I know, and thank you. It's just...," he glanced at North sheepishly. "I was alone for three hundred years. It's going to take some time to get used to having a family again."

North nodded sympathetically. "Of course," he said. "But do not forget that we are here."

Smiling, Jack replied, "I won't."

"Now," the guardian continued, "is time to sleep."

Jack breathed a laugh as his friend rose from the bed. And, unwillingly, he let out another yawn. "Sleep sounds nice."

North smiled, watching Jack twist his legs under the blankets and set the blue nesting doll on the desk, next to where his staff rested against it. The boy snuggled into his pillow, wrapping one arm under it and pulling it closer while the other hand rested on his elbow. His eyes closed with a content sigh, and North realized that Jack probably hadn't slept in a real bed in a hundred years, or more.

Stepping closer, North pulled the coverlet up to Jack's chin, smiling as Jack's eyes slowly opened with curiosity and surprise. "Goodnight, Jack," he said. "Sleep well." North bent down again, placing a fatherly kiss into the boy's alabaster hair. And maybe one day, he really could call Jack his son. With that thought, he smiled and turned, heading towards the exit before he flipped the light switch and carefully closed the squeaky door behind him.

North hadn't looked back, but if he had, he would have seen Jack's eyes once more glazed with stunned tears. The faint moonlight coming in from the windows made the liquid shine, but the boy didn't move to brush them away. No, instead, he craned his neck, staring at the back of the door through which his friend had disappeared, thinking that, one day, maybe he could call him his father.

And it was with that thought that Jack lowered his head back onto the pillow, pulled it closer as he closed his frosty blue eyes, and whispered, "Goodnight, North. Sweet dreams."

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(1) This could actually be seen in the movie. I watched the scene several times to figure out exactly where the house was in regards to the tree, the cliff, and the rocks.

(2) This is a headcanon of my own. In the beginning of the movie, Jack said: "It was dark, and it was cold, and I was scared." So, on some level, he is physically cold. Anyway, my headcanon is that, while he controls winter and ice and snow and all that stuff, his body is still that of a typical teen. He gets cold, he gets hot, and he gets sick; his body reacts to things the same way we do (ex. hot tears). Maybe a little more extreme, though, like in cases of heat, as if he can't stand it, and the cold, in which he's incredibly tolerable.

(3) Another headcanon of my own. Well, other's, too, I suppose. I know a lot of people say that Jack's sister's name is Pippa, but the confusion is because it's the same voice actor. Jack's sister was never named anywhere in the movie. But, there are rumors of it being Mary Katherine. Why? Because the film was dedicated to her, she is William Joyce's (the creator of the Guardians of Childhood) daughter, and her little brother's name is Jack. She was also the one that gave Joyce the idea of Rise of the Guardians after Jack lost a tooth, and, sadly, she died of a brain tumor at eighteen just before her father began directing the film. Joyce had to back down from directing because of her passing. So, to me, Jack's sister will always be Mary Katherine, because of her.

(4) I just Google'd common Russian names, and that was one of the ones I got. It's of Slavic origin, with _da_ meaning "give", and _mir_ meaning "peace." I thought that these were both fitting for North's son.

So, I really hope you enjoyed it. I had originally had a different ending planned, but I'm pleased with how it turned out. Originally, I had three major things I wanted to happen: Jack telling North about how he became a guardians, North telling Jack the same thing, and a third concept. But because of the main topic and length, I felt that the third idea would have pulled it too far. Who knows, though, maybe I'll use it later. :) Thank you guys for reading.

Goodnight. Dream of Jack Frost tonight.


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